


I Love You Like a Table

by Missy



Category: Laverne & Shirley (TV)
Genre: Disapproving Family, F/M, Humor, Romance, Wedding Planning, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25177819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: Laverne proposes to Lenny and they prepare for their wedding - only to discover that Frank has some very particular ideas about how the ceremony should go, forcing Laverne to once again demand her independence from her Pop.  Meanwhile, best man Squiggy and maid of honor Shirley finally have it out about what happened at the Royal Cactus.(A sequel to amythis' "Laverne and Lenny - From Me To You" series.)
Relationships: Laverne DeFazio/Lenny Kosnowski
Comments: 19
Kudos: 3





	1. I Am In Love Love (And I Don't Care Who Knows It)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amythis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amythis/gifts).



He wakes up in her arms.

That’s a simple, prosaic way of putting it. In reality: Lenny feels her heart beat against his ear. He listens to the sheets rustle. He smells her perfume on his own skin. He tastes her on his lips when he licks then and rolls to peer at Laverne, half-awake, the morning sunlight barely touching them in the darkness.

He yells in pain as he kicks the side of the crawlspace and hurts his foot. 

Laverne makes a soothing sound and grabs for his flesh, and Lenny sits back and lets her take care of him. 

“Should’ve gone to bed upstairs,” she points out.

“Nah,” he says. “I liked waking up with you.” The first time they’d ever done that, even though Lenny had always wanted to do so. When they were young and desperate to be alone in Milwaukee, they’d never had the space, and when they were in the ice cream truck stolen moments were all they could grab. Here and now, though, he can stroke her thigh, worm a hand between her legs, feel himself, sticky and half-awake, pressed to the middle of her back. 

And he can hear Shirley calling for Laverne on the other side of the wall.

She gives him a reluctant embrace goodbye as they dress side-by side on the mattress. When they’re both clothed again, his hand encircles her upper arm and tugs gently.

“So. Are we getting married?” he asks.

She pauses with a hand on the zipper of her go-go boot. Her reaction is to reach across the space and kiss him, right there on the lips, her fingers weaving through his hair and holding him still.

He smiles down at her when it’s done. “That a yes?”

Laverne groans. “Lemme go talk to Shirl. You go talk to Squig. We’ll meet somewhere in the middle, all right?”

Lenny nods. “I’ll save some hot fudge for you,” he says, and crawls toward the west.

She shivers at the promise. “I’ll hold you to that,” she grins, and slipped back into her own apartment. 

He approaches his own destiny with a sigh – and wonders what he’s going to tell Squiggy when he finally sees him.

**** 

Laverne pastes a happy smile on her face when she sees her best friend, who’s making breakfast and trying to avoid meeting Laverne’s eyes as she clumsily slips out of the crawl space and lands on her fanny across the staircase.

“Did you have a good time with Lenny last night?” Shirley asks, her smile playful.

“Yeah,” Laverne says. “Um…just pretend you don’t know about where I just crawled out of.” She reaches down for the hammer she and Lenny had discarded the night before and smacks the nails back into the wall, making Shirley wince.

“Understood,” Shirley says. She continues pouring bran flakes into a cereal bowl and then splashing them with milk. “Dare I ask if you’re back together with him?”

“Good guess,” says Laverne.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” Shirley says. For just a minute, Laverne wonders why Shirley’s happy – after all, she’s spent years warning her away from Lenny, even when they were together back in Milwaukee she seemed to hope for a breakup on some level. Then again, in the intervening years Laverne had dated a lot of guys, and many of them were criminal scum. Lenny Kosnowski was many thing, but criminal scum was not one of them. 

“That ain’t all that’s going on,” Laverne confesses. She has to get this out of the way, before her Pop finds out on the street, and before Shirley finds out from Lenny or her own overeager eavesdropping. 

“What? Did you write a song together? I hope so. Anything the two of you could come up with would be better than what you might conceive apart. And this town could use its own Sonny and Cher.” 

“No. We’re getting married,” Laverne says, calmly. And it was like that afternoon back in Milwaukee when Lenny had first proposed to Laverne, the day after she'd mistaken an allergy to the tea Shirley had bought them for morning sickness symptoms. Shirley freezes still and stares at her roommate. 

Then she laughs, predictably and looks into Laverne’s eyes. “You’re not kidding, are you?”

Laverne shakes her head.

And Shirley faints face-first into her bran flakes.


	2. I'm wood and you're glue

“Geeze, Shirl! Don’t die on me here! You’re too young to kiss the old oatmeal…uh, bran flakes!” Laverne’s voice came to Shirley’s ears. “Uh..whaddya do for someone who’s passed out? OH! Water! Get them water!” 

The words stirr Shirley Feeney back to life, and she moaned, sitting up very slowly, feeling uncomfortably soaked to her skin by her own foolishness. The glass of cold water Laverne had been prepared to pitch into her face went right into her bosom instead. Shirley lets out an outraged scream, and Laverne cringes, puts down the now empty glass on their kitchen table. “Sorry, Shirl!”

“Laverne, why am I soaking wet and covered in milk?” She reaches for a tea towel and begins to blot herself dry.

“You had a dream you were a baby again?” Laverne asks.

“No,” Shirley says flatly. “If that had been what happened, I would have been calling for my mama.” 

“Uh well – maybe this time you can stay awake, huh?” 

Laverne says, getting some paper towels to clean the table. Then she tucks her hands behind herself, looking sweetly girlish. 

“Me and Len are getting married.”

“I…oh. And that’s why I fainted.” Shirley winced at herself. “Well, I’m not…disappointed!” she said quickly. “I sent Leonard after you. You’ve both been miserable since you’d broken up and well – I suppose nature has officially abhorred that vacuum. I’m just glad you’re done sending each other puppydog looks across the room.” 

“Uh…not too convincing there, Shirl.”

“Oh, pshaw! I want this to happen for you! In fact, I’ve been rooting for the day!” Shirley wiped her face and dabbed her décolletage. “Even though I have to walk down the aisle next to Andrew Squiggman.”

“Shirl, you and Squig have to talk out what happened at the Royal Cactus already. If you don’t, it’s gonna stick around in the air between you, like a sour burp.”

When a knock sounded at the door, they both knew it couldn’t be Squiggy, though they were so used to his dramatic entrances at this point his arrival was long past expected when one of them blurted out something of that was untoward. Laverne sauntered over and said, “Len, you don’t need to knock, Shirl’s completely dressed…”

“I am not!” Shirley yelled, diving behind the couch, “I happen to be in my nightgown!” She pulled the laprobe that they’d bought from behind the couch and then around her slim body.

“Shirl!” Laverne yelled. “It’s not like he’s looking out to see you naked! The guy’s marrying me, after all.”

“Has that ever made a difference when he’s in the mood to bite his hand?”

Laverne shrugged. “Okay, you got me there, but again – this is Lenny! He’s Mr. Commitment. When he’s in love he stays in love, and I happen to be the gal who’s got him.”

With a grin, Laverne pulled open the door. But the man at her door was far angrier – and far more Italian – than Lenny had ever been.

Laverne gulped nervously. “Hi, Pop.”


	3. And I will hold it up

“Hi Pop, she says,” snapped Frank DeFazio. “HI, POP, SHE SAYS!” 

“WHY ARE YOU YELLING?” Laverne shouted.

“BECAUSE I JUST HEARD FROM MY HEAD WAITRESS THAT MY LITTLE GIRL’S GETTING MARRIED TO THE SECOND DUMBEST MAN I KNOW!”

“WELL I WAS GONNA –wait, Len’s the second dumbest man you know?” Laverne asked.

“HAH! I KNEW IT!” Frank bellowed. “I knew you were with him!”

Laverne stuck out her jaw. “Well, so what if I am?” she said. “Len’s a great guy, and I’m nuts about him! And he’s always been nuts about me.”

“From Sonny to this…”

“Don’t bring up Sonny,” Laverne growled. “He’s old news. He’s the guy who walked out on me when he found out about Randy in the end.” 

Frank glowered. “He ain’t Italian!”

“Neither is Edna!”

The DeFazios glared at each other until Frank slapped the back of the couch with his palm.

“All right! You marry him, I plan the wedding!” Frank said.

“Fine, you’re gonna pay for it!” Laverne said. She stuck out her tongue, and Frank retreated from the scene, shouting all the way about his daughter’s misconduct. “That went better than I expected,” Laverne observed.

Shirley shook her head. “That man does bring out the worst in you,” she said.

“He’s my pop – I love him but he’s got weirder ideas about what make a man normal.”

“Hello!” Squiggy shouted. Lenny wasn’t with him, and Laverne automatically craned her neck to see if her fiancé was coming through the door. Then she realized he was dressed up like a priest. “Squig, whatt’re you doing?”

“In light of your engagement to my best friend,” Squiggy said grandly. “I am going to become ornate in the domination of your choice and lock you and Len up in wedded agony!”

“Squig, me and Len are both Catholic,” she said. “You’d have to take a vow of chastity.” 

“A measure I’d be willing to take for a month!” He reconsidered. “A week….”

“Would you please get out of my apartment so I can get ready for work?“ Shirley asked.

“All right! A couple of days! I’m only human!” Squiggy said.

“Are you sure about that?” Shirley asked, shepherding him out of the room.

“Woman!” Squiggy bellowed.

When they were alone again, Laverne snorted and shook her head. “Speaking of stuff that’s gotta get talked out, you and Squig really should talk about what happened in the Royal Cactus.”

“I’d rather die than give him the satisfaction!” Shirley said.

“That’s a little harsh there,” Laverne said. 

“My feelings for him are harsher than anything I’ve ever felt for any mortal man.” Shirley said. “He tried to violate my chastity.”

“Shirl, you’re still chaste,” Laverne observed. “Squig was a jerk for what he did, and I think he knows he was one too. Just talk it out before the wedding,” Laverne said. “Let’s finish up breakfast and get ready before the bus gets here.” 

Part of Laverne was pleased that she had a nice, bland workday to look forward to. Her evening, she sensed, would be an entirely different story.


End file.
